But it’s not ending peacefully. :) I’ve been feeling pretty yucky since I woke up Thursday morning and the 2nd dose of Treanda just added to the feeling. The nausea is already pretty strong, but one of the nurses mentioned the compound effect of six rounds of chemo and how each time can make you feel a little worse. Thank the Lord that today was my last time taking Treanda. I don’t think maintenance with Rituxan will make me feel quite this bad. Mostly tired, but not as sick as the Treanda does.
So right now I’m taking my nausea meds which is enough to keep the real sickness at bay and allow me to hover over that grey area of “Am I going to be sick? … No, I don’t think so, not this time.” This repeats itself every 15 minutes or so until I fall asleep. :)
For now, I’m going to rest for the next few days and enjoy the reality that I have a nice little break between now and when Chapter 2 starts on March 2 for maintenance. Well, except for the doctor’s visit on Feb. 8 and the CT scan on Feb. 28 and labs every Wednesday, but hey – all of that is better than chemo, right??
Right now, I am so thankful that my body has responded the way it has to treatment AND that the treatment side effects (as awful as they make me feel sometimes) have not been worse. As my Dad said, “we have been blessed that this has not been worse for you.” Yes, Dad, we certainly have. I see the other patients in the treatment room. I know I am one of the lucky ones. There may not be a cure right now for indolent follicular lymphoma, but some of the other patients are already in such advanced stages of their cancers, that not only is there no cure – there is very little time or hope of finding one for them. With smiles on their faces, and warm handshakes and hugs, they are simply trying to add to their days. They are the ones who are courageously facing the toughest of situations.
That’s not to say there aren’t tears, because there are. Lots of them sometimes. I wish this were not only the end of Chapter 1 but also the end of this book on cancer for me. But it’s not. I don’t have control of that. All I can do is accept that and live each day to the best of my ability, thanking God for each sunrise, sunset, and everything in between.
And who knows? Maybe by the time I complete maintenance, there will be a fantastic new CURE for indolent follicular lymphoma that will take care of this cancer once and for all.
As my sister, Kathy, reminded me today, “God’s plan is greater than anything this world has to offer. You are a fantastic part of His big picture!! Never forget that.” Such honest truth from someone I love so much who is also reminding herself of this daily,too. I will continue to trust that God has a plan for my life and ALL of this is part of it. Because that’s where my hope lies on the tough, as well as the good, days.
The unfailing love of the LORD never ends!
By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.
I say to myself, “The LORD is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!”