This neutropenia thing has me being super careful – washing my hands a lot (thank goodness for Gold Bond lotions!), using gallons of hand sanitizer, and avoiding anyone who might be sick. It’s not just illnesses I have to watch for, I can get infections from food or cuts/wounds. Pumpkin bit me the other night (for no reason, I might add – that little rascal!) and I put antibiotic ointment on it because infections through cuts and scrapes can be dangerous with low white cell counts. Aside from being cautious, I’m still feeling very good. I can’t really tell that I have a low white count – it doesn’t make me feel any different.
This morning I am going to see Dr. Young, the urologist, for an ultrasound. It’s been six weeks since the stent was removed and he wants to make sure the kidney looks good and is functioning well.
Is there such a thing as Groundhog Week? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure there’s only an official Groundhog Day in February, but I’m declaring this week Groundhog Week because it feels just like last week to me. It’s a repeat, or a do-over of last week. I’m feeling the anxiety, the apprehension, the ready-to-get-it-over-with eagerness that usually accompanies chemo week – just like I did last week.
I started last week anticipating getting my fifth chemo treatment on Wednesday and Thursday. I did all of the usual mental prep that I do to get myself ready psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually for chemo. I was so ready! But my white count was not in agreement with my plans. After getting my blood checked prior to treatment, they discovered my white count (technically, my absolute neutrophil count) was too low for me to get chemo, so we postponed it to this week.
It’s kind of like planning for a trip that doesn’t happen. You pack a bag with a blanket and snacks and things to entertain you while on the “ride,” you think about the next few days and what needs to be covered while you are “out of pocket,” and you start off on your adventure. You arrive at the airport and they tell you the flight has been canceled and it will be a week before you can catch another one. Bummer. You are little confused at first trying to figure out what you should be doing now with this “extra” time. I was lost for a few hours as I worked to shift my brain back to the real world again.
I’ll be honest. I was annoyed by the delay. Not mad enough to throw a hissy fit (and I can throw some hissy fits), but annoyed all the same because the delay was not a part of MY plan.
Then I was reminded of this thought by C.S. Lewis:
And there you have it.
What I consider an interruption, an annoyance, an unwanted problem is actually just my life – the life I am blessed to live. The life that God is gifting me with each day. The beautiful life that gets overlooked as I focus on the interruptions and frustrations.
I wonder how much better we would handle day-to-day situations if we viewed the interruptions, the inconveniences, the unplanned events as OUR LIFE instead of as intruders into our life?