This weekend was a really good one from a “how did I feel” perspective. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would say I felt like a 7 or an 8 most of the time. Pretty good, huh?
I didn’t feel that way all weekend, though. Between the hours of 3:30 and 7:30 on Saturday (when Auburn was getting their rear ends whipped by Georgia), I was feeling like a 1 or a 2. Poor Auburn. I’m pretty sure they brought the Auburn High School football team instead of the University team. I have two nephews who are Georgia fans and they were pretty excited. Broke my heart. Just broke my heart, I tell you. :)
With four rounds of chemotherapy behind me (and only two more to go!), I’m starting to think about what it will be like when life returns to normal. Normal disappeared on June 13 when I was diagnosed and cancer has been a part of my life and my thoughts every day since then. So I wonder – does “normal” exist anymore or is it gone forever?
Today’s normal is certainly not as it used to be and I don’t think it will ever be that way again. That doesn’t mean normal won’t be good, or even great, it will just be different. Normal right now includes cancer. Normal in the future will, too. As much as I don’t like the thought, until a cure is developed for indolent follicular lymphoma, cancer will be a part of my life. Hopefully not in a daily sense like it is now, but a part of my life nonetheless. At least for the next five years (which is the standard time measurement used for determining cancer survival), cancer will a consideration in my life and something that requires attention.
Initially, there will be fairly frequent follow-up visits and scans to see if the cancer is returning. As time passes without any progression, the visits and scans will take place less often. Eventually, the visits might become a yearly thing and the cancer will not be part of my daily life and thoughts. Eventually. :)
Normal will definitely be different in the future, but I think I’m ok with that. Different is not always a bad thing, it’s just different. Maybe, just maybe, normal will be even better than before because I have a fresh sense of gratitude and appreciation for this life I’ve been given. :)