Here we go again. Round 4.
I can’t say that I’m looking forward to it, but…it is what it is. And it’s got to be done, right?
I don’t have that curious anticipation anymore – the kind that I had the first two times when it was so new to me. Now, I have the dreaded anticipation because I know what it will be. The process of getting the chemo is pretty easy and I don’t usually start to feel bad until Friday, so today and tomorrow shouldn’t be awful. The worst part is the burn from Treanda (Bendamustine) as it’s being infused. They have to dilute it with saline and even then it still burns. Some of the veins in my right arm are already wrecked from it – they’re hard and can’t be used for infusion anymore. The veins may go back to normal, but they might also stay like this forever.
Jennifer (my sister) sent this video to me a few weeks ago and it gave me goose bumps. And it made me cry. At work. I hate crying at work. :)
There are so many powerful lessons in this short clip.
Derek Redmond was favored to medal in the 400 meter sprint during the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona. 150 meters into the race, he tore a hamstring and limped to a stop. Kneeling there in front of 65,000 people, he hesitated and then stood up and did a partial jog-skip-hop motion toward the finish line. His father broke past security to come to his side and help support him. They walked the track together, Derek with his arm around his Dad’s neck until they approached the finish line where Derek’s Dad released him…to finish the race on his own.
Every time I watch this I cry at the beauty, the determination, the love, and the refusal to give up.
No matter what race you are running today, you can do this. My race right now is to beat cancer. Your race might be to live with chronic physical pain. Your race might be to love your child through a rough patch or finish college while working full-time and taking care of a family. Your race may be to survive the grief that is overwhelming you or it may be to just survive an extremely difficult week at work. Maybe your race is to lose those 25 pounds that just won’t seem to come off.
Whatever it is, we each have our own “race.” And even though our race may be our own, we don’t have to go it alone. God sends people to come along side us and help us get there. For me, those people are my husband, my family, and my friends. The ones who are holding my hands, praying me through this, cooking meals, and loving me up close and from a distance. If there are people in your life who want to help you through your struggle, let them. They aren’t there by accident.
And don’t forget, you have a Heavenly Father who loves you and will give you the strength to make it. You just have to ask.
Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
So today, when it gets hard and you don’t want to keep trying, don’t give up. We can do this.