Unable to See the Mountain Top

18 Oct

My office is located at the base of Lookout Mountain, so each morning on my drive to work I get to see a beautiful mountain looming in front of me.  We recently had a particularly foggy morning and I noticed as I approached the office that I couldn’t even see the top of the mountain.  In fact, I could barely see any of the mountain at all.

Note to Mom – No, I did not take the picture while the car was moving.  :)

I started thinking how that foggy view is what my life feels like right now.  I can’t see the top of the mountain, even though I know it’s there.  And even though I know treatment won’t last forever, I have trouble seeing beyond it.  It feels like lymphoma and treatment are the only things standing in front of me and they’re blocking the view of my future.

But I know that’s not true.  That’s not real.  It’s simply how I feel.  And even though feelings can be powerful emotions, they do not always reveal actual reality – they convey a perceived reality.

The truth is that my future looks exactly like it did one, ten, even thirty years ago, and only God is able to see it clearly.

  • 30 years ago, I didn’t know that moving to Pensacola (despite the strong objections of this 8th grader) would lead me to some of the most wonderful, life-long friends a person could have – but God did.
  • 15 years ago, I didn’t know that I would take a job in Nashville, a move that would ultimately lead me to my husband – but God did.
  • 10 years ago, I didn’t know that being a stepmom would be the only job I’ve ever had where I would doubt my qualifications on a regular basis – but God did.
  • 5 years ago, I didn’t know that my dad would have a widow-maker heart attack that could have killed him – but God did.
  • 1 year ago, I didn’t know that my future would include a cancer diagnosis – but God did.

Source: Pinterest

There are a lot of things that are not clearly in view right now, but…even before cancer I only thought I knew how my future would play out.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s will that prevails.

Proverbs 27:1
Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what tomorrow will bring.

I’m hoping the closer I get to the end of treatment that the fog will begin to lift and the beautiful landscape that is my life will be more clear again.  But even if the fog doesn’t dissipate for a while, I’m still going to trust that God knows what my future holds and that He has me on a good course.

Proverbs 16:9
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the lord establishes their steps. 

4 Responses to “Unable to See the Mountain Top”

  1. Kathy October 18, 2011 at 5:53 pm #

    I remember when you were little and needed glasses. I was so upset and cried because I thought you were going blind. Silly me, didn’t I know that with God’s help you would always see exactly what He wanted you to see.

    You’re right, the fog is exactly the way it’s supposed to be. The goal is to continue to take steps forward even though we can’t see the path clearly. That is faith in action. That part of life, I love, love, love. Knowing that no matter what, it will all be OK. I won’t always like it but it will be OK.

    Love you, sis OX

    • rachturner October 18, 2011 at 6:56 pm #

      No matter what, it will all be ok. Love you, too. :)

  2. createdtobebeautiful October 20, 2011 at 12:41 am #

    Rachel… what a positive outlook you have through the “fog” of your journey! Your words are so true; we do not know what tomorrow, next week or next year holds for any of us… but God does! Your cancer did not catch Him off guard… He has known from the beginning. He has given you such faith and strength! We never know what we can handle in our lives until we are faced with the challenge, but God has been preparing us from the beginning! He has guided our steps to be right where we are… surrounded by the people we need the most to help us along the way. BTW… for a bit of encouragement to you… my cousin (who is more like a sister) was diagnosed with non-hodgkin’s lymphoma in August 2010… she is in complete remission today!!! God is such a miracle working God!! Keeping you in my prayers! Tara :)

    • rachturner October 20, 2011 at 4:25 pm #

      Thanks for the encouragement and SUCH great news about your cousin/sister!! That makes me so happy and is incredibly encouraging. Our God is definitely in the miracle-working business. Thanks for your prayers, girl!

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