Ya’ll are going to laugh at this one.
So the nurse calls today to tell me she scheduled an appointment for me with a neurologist. She warns me that I’m going to be shocked, and then she proceeds to tell me the first appointment she could get is January 14. Five months from now!
I’m not kidding.
Is there a shortage of neurologists that I’m not aware of? Is there a law that says they can only work one day a week?? I don’t get it. If I’m still dealing with headaches like this five months from now, I will be completely insane.
I actually started crying when she told me that. Not like big heaving sobs because I work in a cubical and I have to keep some composure about myself so as not to freak out the nice guy who sits next to me, but there were a few tears trickling down my cheeks. At the time she told me this, my head was hurting pretty bad. I had taken my migraine meds, but it hadn’t kicked in yet. The thought of waiting five months to talk to someone about my headaches seemed so . . . unreachable. So I cried. And crying is so helpful when you have a headache. Yeah, right.
That’s when it hit me – I have completely lost control. I made it through a year with cancer, didn’t fall apart when I was diagnosed or even going through first line treatment, but now these headaches and this neck pain are going to take me down. How can that be??
I’ve started putting the pieces together. I’m a little slow sometimes, but I eventually get there. :)
I’m having hot flashes. I’m having headaches. I’ve also started having crazy mood swings where I want to cry at the smallest things or I’m mad about nothing at all. My concentration is kaput and I feel like I’m living in a foggy state most of the time.
I would bet money the headaches are related to the hot flashes, mood swings, etc. Since I’m 43, it could be chemopause or it could be the real deal. Either way, it’s wicked. I will be seeing the doctor soon to confirm my suspicions and, hopefully, get a plan for dealing with this.
As I sit here writing this, thinking about how everything inside of me feels so out of control right now, I am reminded of the truth that I’m not really in control anyway. My sanity, my peace, my healing, my joy, my sorrow, my relief, and my life are all in God’s hands.
Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him. – James 1:12
Have a wonderful Wednesday!