Yesterday was another good day. I’ve been feeling more tired this week than last, but nothing too terribly bad. I’m still working regular days, just feeling the fatigue a bit, probably because I’ve had to be a little more physically active with climbing stairs numerous times each day. But no complaints from me. If I can feel this good the week before my next treatment, I’m happy with that!
Here’s a picture for my folks so they can see that I am doing ok – AND I still have my hair. I am thrilled to have not lost my hair during this process. It has thinned a bit, but I have such thick hair to start with that most people don’t even notice the thinning.
Lately, I’ve been feeling antsy, impatient, restless.
I would like for treatment to go faster, to not be spaced so far apart. Four weeks is a long time to wait – and anticipate – the next round. I wish I could get treatment every other week instead of every four weeks. (But then, if I had treatment every other week, I would probably wish it only happened once a month! We always want what we don’t have, right?)
I want to get this finished, behind me, over with.
I want my life back. I want to go walking and ride bikes with my husband. I want to look at my calendar and not see doctor’s appointments and chemotherapy treatments filling up my immediate future. I want to go back to the way life was before I heard the word “lymphoma.”
But then I stop and think.
As with so many things in life, it’s not all about what I want. It’s about what I need – and specifically, what my body needs – in order to effectively deal with the cancer.
It’s about the proper course of treatment and doing it right, not doing it quickly.
It’s about being patient and trusting that there truly is a time for everything, and especially a time to heal.
My time is coming. I just have to relax, be patient, and look forward to the day when this is just a memory.